Donald Trump
“Glad you asked me this question. I am a very stable genius and math is one of my specialties. When I was on the Howard Stern show, he asked me a very difficult math question, “What is 17 times 6?”.
I answered 112. Many think that it is 102, but that is not correct. You know, a lot of math people, great guys, from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, call me every day to help them solve math questions. Just the other day, a very great math guy from Harvard, he has two Noble prizes for math, called me and asked me about Fermat’s Last Theorem. Now math guys, great geniuses, have been trying to find a proof for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. I looked at it for 2 minutes and I told him, there is no proof possible. This is very tricky math logic – if I cannot find a proof, then nobody can, therefore no such proof can exist.
As to your question, 1 + 1 = 3. I know, it used to be 2, but under my economic leadership, and the great growth it has generated, the answer has grown to 3.”
Boris Johnson
If you ask Boris Johnson (Prime Minister of Great Britain), he would answer:
1 + 1 = 11
“Eleven?” You may ask. The reason is that BoJo studied “Greats” at Oxford University, which is basically ancient Greek and Latin. He will therefore naturally answer the question using Roman numerals. The next logical question is “Why would anybody study ancient Greek and Latin?”. This subject actually has very high status. It announces to the world that you are “of independent means” (i.e. filthy rich) so you can study something which does not lead to a worthwhile career.
Bill Gates
Bill Gates is a computer geek, so If you ask him, or any I.T. guy, he (it is invariably a “he”) will answer:
1 + 1 = 10
Bill Gates will work in binary numbers, so his answer is technically correct.
Greta Thunberg
Greta would immediately burst into tears and start stamping her feet, while yelling through clenched teeth “How dare you ask me this. Don’t you know we’re all going to die!”. Remarkable insight from one so young.
David Attenborough or Davis Suzuki
For those who are unfamiliar with these characters, Sir David Attenborough is a zoologist by training and a nature documentary film maker in the U.K. and David Suzuki is also a zoologist, whose specialty was genetics, and the presenter of “The Nature of Things” on Canadian television. Both are regarded to be the foremost spokesmen for “Climate Change” in their respective countries. If you ask them or anyone with a biological background, they will answer:
1 + 1 = 7.5
Since in pre-industrial times, the average woman had 5.5 pregnancies, and with modern medicine all would result in live births, then one man plus one woman results in 7.5 people.
Oprah Winfrey
Oprah would probably say something like “I personally feel that 1 + 1 might equal 2 – And you get a car!, but if you feel that it is 3, then you are entitled to your opinion – And you get a car also! Wow!”.
Margaret Atwood
Margaret Atwood is a prominent Canadian author (“The Handmaids Tale”). If you ask her, or any arts graduate, she will answer “onion”. Here is the “proof”:
One plus one equals “oneone”, which is pronounced “onion” because the English language has no logic so pronunciation and spelling do not have to agree. The reason for this state of affairs is probably because of the influence of lawyers – the resulting ambiguities lead to much higher fees.
Bertrand Russell
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) was a British aristocrat, mathematician, philosopher and political activist. If you asked him this question, he would have answered:
1 + 1 = 2
But he would take almost 400 pages to prove this. Bertrand Russell, in his “Principia Mathematica” (co-authored by A. N. Whitehead) took that long to prove the validity of this proposition.
Andrea Dworkin
Andrea Dworkin was a radical feminist. There are many radical feminists. As with many in the “social sciences”, where theory is paramount and empirical evidence is ignored, there are more versions of radical feminism than there are actual radical feminists. One such, may scream: “Mathematics, science and rationality are the product of the male patriarchy and so must be rejected. You filthy sexist, racist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, white supremacist, fascist, capitalist pig!” as she swings her army boot at you.